Sex Toys, Sexual Pleasure

A Beginners Guide to Using Sex Toys as a Couple

For too long, sex toys have been confined to solo pleasure sessions, banished to the back of underwear drawers like embarrassing secrets. But thankfully, couples are beginning to realize the transformative power of toys, and discovering imaginative (and down right sexy) ways to use them together. 

A new generation of sex toys is emerging, full of gadgets and devices designed specially for couples. Cock rings, sex wedges, and multi-use vibraters are just some of the tools being used by couples to elevate their bedroom antics. The possibilities are as broad as your imagination.

Using a sex toy with your partner for the first time can be intimidating. Insecurities about performance can rear their head at the suggestion of toys, and lack of experience can put some people off having a go. 

But fear not! There are plenty of ways to make the transition easier.


To avoid catching your partner off guard, speak with them before whipping out the toy box. Bringing the topic up might feel awkward at first, but with a little perseverance can become a racy conversation starter. If you and your S.O have a dirty text convo going then try dropping the idea into one of your fantasy sessions. Share the red-hot details of your vibrator session the night before, or ask them to describe their first time with a fleshlight. Getting the idea out there is often the hardest part, so stick with it and practice judgement free communication. 


Showing your partner how you use your toys is just plain sexy. Who doesn’t love watching their S.O squirming in pleasure, without even having to lift a finger? If the thought of putting on a live show makes you sick with stage fright, then try recording a home movie next time you’re alone. If it makes you feel sexier then slip into your favorite lingerie or chaps for the occasion. Seeing how you use the toy is a great lesson about what they should be doing, without them having to ask for directions mid session. 


No matter how many times you reassure your partner that you’re not about to elope with your dildo, there’s a chance he’s going to be a teeny bit intimidated by your nine-inch mastu-buddy. Obviously you’re not about to replace his lovely human penis with a latex impression, but it can help to make a clear distinction between the two. Instead of picking a hyper-realistic monster dong, start out with something a little less penis-esque. 

I love using a dildo inside my pussy while sucking his dick – it’s a great way to control each other’s level of arousal before you get down to bucking.  Chances are he’ll be converted pretty quickly once he realizes the dildo is there to help you both out, rather than mock his man meat.


Sex toys are not only a fantastic way to spice up your bedroom antics, but are also a useful tool for couples experiencing the orgasm gap. I can say with all sincerity that a vibrating cock ring changed my life, and helped me enjoy penetrative sex for the first time. 

According to a recent study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women were found to experience orgasm with a familiar partner at an average rate of 63 percent, while men reached orgasm more than 85 percent of the time. Many women need some form of clitoral stimulation to climax, so adding a vibrtator to penetrative sex can increase your chance of the illusive mutual O. 


Sex toys are a fantastic way to explore BDSM fantasies, because they provide a prop to focus your fantasy around. If this is your first venture into bondage then start simply, with light restraints and some kind of paddle or whip. Give yourself plenty of time to play around with your tools, and don’t be afraid to laugh if things don’t go to plan – it’s meant to be fun! Check out a forum site like or for sex positive inspiration.